In the past few weeks, I’ve been filled with a lot of tension. Due to recent life changes, endorphin boosts have been critical to my everyday sanity. Although there is always the option to drink it up and drown in bottles of wine or scotch, I find the latter impractical, not to mention really unhealthy.
We all go through something of this sort once in a while – challenging life phases, dark tunnels we can only get out of if we walk through them… It’s nothing new, really. Except that every time you’re in there – where you don’t know when the light will finally show up, with all your fears creeping in on whether it ever will – it always feels as bad as the first time.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning with a frightening urge to punch someone’s face til it bleeds. There is just too much anger, and pain, and negative energy flowing through my veins that I need to let out. And at the end of every day, I try as much as possible to convert that energy by learning something new, punching and kicking bags and pads in the process. It’s safe, it’s peaceful, and nobody gets hurt.
Tonight was different though. We had a yoga session at the penthouse of a 40-story building. Mark, a fellow Capoeirista, was awesome enough to give us a 1.5-hour class of adrenaline-pumping poses that will probably keep me up in the next couple of nights.
That wasn’t the only thing that struck me though. In the beginning of the session, he asked us to give our intentions for that evening. Mine was unrelated, but very simple and personal: Forgiveness. Freedom. Liberdade. From hate, and from anger, and from having to wake up in the morning with my fists clenched.
Tonight, I closed my eyes and I felt that the air was cool because we’re in that transitional phase between summer and rain. I breathe in and I was conscious of my body, and of myself, and of all my possibilities. I breathe out, and I let it go.